maybe i hate you,
and i hate your eyes that told the half-truths,
eyes that baited me until i fell,
planted a hope when there was no soil there
maybe i mourn the loss of my escape route,
my underground railroad,
my way out from these four things--
the hatred, the annihilation, the soul assassination
plots carried out each night at home
i don't know who you are anymore,
trustworthy or treacherous,
ally or enemy,
tender or indifferent
and if you were to be indifferent,
my hopes collapse--
it is the worst possibility of all.

and if you were to be indifferent,
i guess i tried it all for nothing
loving you already, caring
waiting and holding
my emotions, the exertions, my own tribulations,
hiding my excitement whenever we met,
hiding my hope
beginning to dream your dreams and love your loves,
now i hate your dreams and hate your loves
i thought there was friendship between us--
don't you know that friendship with flirting is something else?
i thought there was justification for me to share, to hold you dear
you were dear and are dear and i'm all messed up,
the nursing calf gets her mother taken away; surprise!
your mother is for someone else
your eyes are for someone else,
not me

joseph was
lily white,
beautiful (need i say?)
his nut-brown hair
swept a forehead
and touched his temple
where i'd like to have touched
his wrists were delicate
he was graceful when
he thought nobody looking
and as he strode,
you could see his pride
he knew who he might be.
he would cluck quietly,
i think it was an aptitude
for animal husbandry,
maybe human,
and his eyes,
i don't remember anything about them,
except they took away my will.