innocent bystander //a weblog

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Monday, November 17, 2003

1:40 AM: 

today's observation deck card: "slow down."

instead of actually slowing down, i'll talk about why we should slow down, and why people don't. people whose lives need slowing down but who don't slow down refrain from doing so because, subconsciously, they know that if they get off the hamster wheel they're going to have to take a look at the cage. when you slow down, your hard truths resolve from the pleasant, hazy blur they are when you're running around, and you are tasked with looking at them. seeing them, you are then obligated, more than before, to solve them. for those disinclined to solve their problems, this is quite a problem. so they get back on the wheel.

we should slow down, because we all deserve to have a better quality of life. of course, we ourselves are the only people who can improve our own quality of life. it's a tough truth. but, as i think i mentioned in a previous post, if we don't admit this truth, then we are thinking as small children do. and that shouldn't be.

1:03 AM: 

hullo, peeps. last night, i went to a banquet and won the raffle. i got to shake ray bradbury's hand. i got to be confused by a guy i know, who likes me. today, i talked to my flaky friend m- who's just broken up with her boyfriend. she's started talking to her ex now. she claims the breakup wasn't so bad, but she can't get her apartment clean, doesn't sleep much, and has just bought so many cd's she hasn't listened to them all. train wreck? film at 11.

it isn't just that, though. she wants her life to have meaning, she says, but then she says she's "too lazy" to go and find it. can we stop right there! how does she expect her life to get any better? maybe she's waiting for santa to drop off some meaning along with her presents this christmas. i don't know. my brother asked me if i pulled out the pimp hand on her. i was debating it. keep my mouth shut and win her trust to tell her another time, or tell her right now that she's acting like A BABY?

she says all her friends are going through exactly the same thing (she didn't ask me if i were going through the same thing, so i don't count as a friend even if i do call her cross-country), with similar lack of success in finding answers... great, i'm thinking: so she moves within an entire cadre of babies? sheesh. their answer to their existential angst? they're all applying for law school. nice. i apologize in advance, folks, for my lost, twenty-something asian brethren. they were a lot nicer to be around in school. before they hit the real world.


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