innocent bystander //a weblog

Detail of original by glockgal.  Click on image to see her work!

Friday, October 31, 2003

5:58 PM: 

oh, i'm cold-hearted...

i just cancelled a blind date an hour before it was supposed to happen. this guy was really freaky! and i thought about it and thought about it (while waiting at the apple store, pasadena to see what was wrong with with my ibook), and decided that i didn't need the agony of smiling and being nice to a pure-bred wierdo for two hours over dinner. it started yesterday; i had called him last night to confirm plans, and he came off as abrupt, wound-up, and, frankly, afraid of me. unfortunately, this is not unusual for an asian male, so i didn't think much of it at first. but then the implications sank in. am i going to live the life of a meek, undemanding asian woman, who stays with a man just because his skin is yellow, i asked myself? or am i going to take a stand and live the life of an enlightened american woman who requires her acquaintances to display a basic grasp of social skills? i'm sure someone out there (namely a non-asian) is going to think that this is an obvious choice, but it isn't, not in our world.

it ain't easy being yellow...

Thursday, October 30, 2003

1:51 PM: 

i just posted a comment to squirrel bait, but i'm dying to append my statement. it is so sad that americans are so caught up in body-image issues. when i was typing that little paragraph out, i had to think of a good weight that it would be social poison to exceed. 115, and at the maximum, maybe 125 pounds seemed to be it. how sad and pathetic is that? how skinny do you have to be to meet that figure? and most women are taller than me, so they have even more inches that they have to keep skinny. it's pathetic. i weigh WAY more than 125 pounds, and i know for a fact that if i told my weight to most people they'd gasp, or at least try to hide gasping. but what i say is (in my best jerry springer voice), that i look GOOD! i'm 100% woman and all that, and if some effete, pansy-assed milquetoast can't handle that, then he can just keep his waspy mouth shut. and i don't care if he graduated from my alma mater. people from plenty of other countries around the world appreciate women who look like women, and not like puritannically-approved, de-sexed boy-girls. i'm not going to let people's narrow-mindedness define me just because they live around me.

i'll never forget something i saw on a "where are they now?" show. they were covering the band Poison, and c.c. deville the guitarist was talking about his cocaine habit. he nearly died from it (or did die, and was revived), and that caused him to finally try to kick the addiction. his weight grew to a few hundred pounds, and at that point, people on the streets began to stare at him in revulsion. he said, "it's funny, but it's more acceptable to be a junkie than to be fat." and it's so true.

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

10:27 PM: 

this blogger got laid off because of a blog post he'd taken pains to keep un-controversial. microsoft gave him no opportunity for an appeal or a second chance. the fact that he was a temp probably didn't help. when i was released from my temp position assignment this summer, i got the distinct impression that supervisors believe the word "temp" is synonymous with "sub-human" and "interchangeable". faugh!

2:05 AM: 

sting is sexy... david bowie is way sexier.

1:59 AM: 

this new social work position is, so far, so draining. my first consumer has cerebral palsy, mild mental retardation, and autistic symptoms. my six-month goal is to teach her to brush her teeth by herself. i'm not even sure if i can make it. she lives with her mother in a tiny two-bedroom apartment. it's, to say the least, not very clean. entering it is like stepping through the looking glass. she might be hanging out naked, or demanding her favorite dish (pasta with ranch dressing as sauce), or be watching barney videos extremely intently. she uses the bathroom but leaves the door open and doesn't clean up. there are a million things it would be ideal for her to be taught. she has never had one-on-one instruction at her elementary school (in a special-ed class), even though she's entitled to it by ca law. i think a lot of her behavior problems wouldn't exist if she'd had the additional instruction. her mother is burnt out and frazzled and seems to be looking for a friend as much as for anything else. and yet everything could be much worse. and yet, everything could be much better. i've seen other instructors' consumers, and they've been better. maybe the first one's always a doozy. certainly, if i can just figure this out, anything else will be easy. my brother's friend introduced me to the job, and if he can do it i should be able to, too.

12:24 AM: 

MUAHAHAHA BLARHAHAHAHAA! schadenfreude lives! m-, who has talked to me less the longer she's gone out with her boyfriend, is just now telling me on aim that they've broken up. we'll see who starts messaging me more often now...

in a sign of the times, our social circle is apparently slowly finding out about the breakup through m-'s new friendster profile, which says "single".

Sunday, October 26, 2003

11:25 PM: 

11:25, and the 11 o'clock news is still on its first story: forest fires. now they're going to weather. i think that's all they have time for tonight. l.a. county has been declared to be in a state of emergency. but that's life.

2:22 AM: 

t- was the hottest guy in the office at my first job out of college. come to think of it, he's hands-down the single hottest guy i've ever worked with. i got to know him pretty well while i was there. and while he has a face that could make angels swoon, there's always been something a little tawdry about him. this is the thing: he can have, oh, 8 out of any 10 single females existing eating out of his hand just by making eye contact. and he knows it. so he's been around the block a few times, like maybe you could say the block was the indy 500. i don't if this might be my personal prejudices speaking, but i think you can see the mileage in his eyes. there's something just a little worn and weary in them. as if true love fell somewhere along by the wayside the day it got edged out by casual sex.

2:14 AM: 

how exciting! i swear every time i go to post now, blogger looks different. but nothing's ever broken, a tribute to the skilled (and wise-- i've lived through a few product launches myself) people at blogger and google. unlike yahoo mail, which launched a redesign last week (and don't get me wrong, i think it's great) with broken features that were still being ironed out days later. ok, back to posting...


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