innocent bystander //a weblog

Wednesday, July 16, 2003

1:19 AM:

had my 10 year high school reunion this weekend. it's wierd. it's reunited me with an old friend, but i'm realizing that i don't really want her in my life. i didn't realize then what it was about her that made her so impressive to me. she was the only friend i had in the "popular" crowd, which right off the bat put a halo on her to me. but it wasn't just that; she had a way of drawing you in. you might feel that you had some really strong connection with her, that you were really important to her. but i saw her monday night and now i realize what that was. she was and is codependent.

beverly engel, an MFCC, wrote this regarding codependency:

"The irony is that as much as a "codependent" feels responsibility for others and takes care of others, she believes deep down that other people are responsible for her. She blames others for her unhappiness and problems, and feels that it's other people's fault that she's unhappy. Another irony is that while she feels controlled by people and events, she herself is overly controlling. She is afraid of allowing other people to be who they are and of allowing events to happen naturally. An expert in knowing best how things should turn out and how people should behave, the codependent person tries to control others through threats, coercion, advice giving, helplessness, guilt, manipulation, or domination."

and my friend, she is good, very good at what she does. you hardly see it coming. you barely feel a thing as she starts to work her little game. but now, i can see in her eyes the animal cunning that is convinced that this is what she needs to do in order to survive. it is, really, a little scary. she is completely morally compromised. talking to her, i heard her saying that she was trapped by what other people were doing. that she had no control over her life. that people, even her fiance, were doing terrible things to her, but there was no option of distancing or detaching herself from those people.

well, gone are the days when i took charity cases as friends. it's sad to see now just how off her world-view is. her life is about licking her wounds and making sure that she gets new cuts. what will i do? i've already given her my e-mail.