innocent bystander //a weblog

Tuesday, March 26, 2002

2:54 AM:

being jobless has been good and bad. i spend the days worrying about all the ways in which i'm inadequate... i can't pay my bills, i can't send out enough resumes, i can't figure out the magical phrase or paragraph that will make employers hire me. and oh, how i've tried to find that last one out. i wake up late in the day-- about one in the afternoon. and i stay up late-- usually until four in the morning. but the nights have been mine. some time after all the late night shows have played and only serious early-morning programming is on (world news now and infomercials), i get the peaceful feeling that my time is my own. my mind is too fuzzy to write cover letters. there's no option of calling a creditor or unemployment, as i should. the world has stopped its interminable moving-on for a few hours. that's probably why i don't just stop working this crazy sleep schedule. it's really too rewarding.