innocent bystander //a weblog

Detail of original by glockgal.  Click on image to see her work!

Monday, June 25, 2001

2:53 AM: 

regarding a previous entry... i think the will to be productive is quite strong and takes a lot of abuse before being snuffed out in humans. which makes sense, though... the triumph of eros over thanatos and all that. so it is good that i am depressed. because i'm unemployed, goshdarnit.

2:34 AM: 

i consume pornography. but yes, it's quite true. why, you may ask? or you may not ask, you may simply suddenly have a strong urge to get to know me better, but that's life. the answer is no. the other answer is an interesting one. at first i thought it was because i was open-minded. sex isn't dirty, i thought. therefore porn is okay. then for a few years i wondered, is this really because i am self-objectifying, and that's why pictures of naked women are really interesting to me? and then i got over perceiving myself as a sex object (capital O), and that explanation was out. but porn was not out. i still look at it, watch it, go surfing the net for it. not all the time. just sometimes. but why now? because in pornography women and men express something that our american culture, in all its diseased thinking, does not allow to be expressed anywhere else. it lets them uncover the parts of themselves that they are told to keep strictly hidden from other people at all times, except when they're having sex, and that is then to be done in as much secrecy as possible. i mean, all the rest of the time, women have to pretend that their nipples don't exist! sometimes their breasts, too, if they have to wear tops that are "conservative". men and women both have to pretend they don't have genitals! what's up with that? you can't deny that they're there. but we in all our WASPy wisdom (although this is not to say that the vast majority of the other people on this planet are not doing the same— many are just as guilty) must wear pants or skirts, and then wear panties, briefs, boxers, what-have-you under those, as if just one layer of clothing wasn't enough to keep our wild pieces under check. women have to wear blouses, and then bras under those blouses, and often padded bras at that, and heaven forbid if your nipples are showing. those have to be kept on a tight leash! yes, breasts and penises are definite threats to society! but pornography lets all the fun stuff out and to consume it is to say, yes, they do have a power, and they do have a function, and darn it if they aren't very good at what they do. we are all here on this earth because of them. our mission here on earth is to use them. if we didn't... it would be the end of the species... survival of the fittest to reproduce... et cetera, et cetera. and granted pornography isn't particularly intelligent stuff, and it's pretty repetitious and all the pornographers are male anyways and only sell what men are interested in, and the sex looks mechanical and that's not what intimacy is really about, but hey. i like my body. and the consumption of pornography is one way i express my fondness for myself.

2:01 AM: 

i worship this article

i live the findings

Our 'schizophrenia inheritance' was 'the single most important event in human history' and marked the break 'between our large-brained, possibly pleasant but unimaginative ancestors, and the restless, creative creatures we are today,' [Horrobin] adds.


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